'It was finally here - Anna's weddign day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for months. The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends and family.
Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of the string quartet filled the air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David. Joy surged within her. This was the moment for which she had waited so long. He gently took her hand, and they turned towards the altar.
But as the minister began to lead Anna and DAvid through their vows, the unthinkable happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David's other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna.
Anna felt her lip begin to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes.
"Is this some kind of joke?" she whispered to David.
"I'm...I'm sorry, anna," he said, staring at the floor.
"Who are these girls, David? What is going on?" she gasped.
"They're girls from my past," He answered sadly. "Anna, they don't mean anything to me now...but I've given part of my heart to each of them."
"I thought your heart was mine," she said.
"It is, it is," he pleaded. "Everything that's left is yours."
- Joshua Harris "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"
Is this how you want your wedding to be? Of course, I'm sure that old girlfriends or old boyfriends won't start coming up to you and holding your hand. But I suppose this story (which was actually a dream) changes the perspective on relationships. It did for me.
How do you view your dating history? Do you start over fresh at each relationship, thinking that the relationship you're in now is the true relationship, and the other ones were all flings or innocent fun? Are relationships cycles? Something to enjoy, then thrown away carelessly at the end? However amicable the parting, the memories are there. The imprint is there. You can't just wash out your heart like laundry and hang it up to dry. Wrinkles are left. Hearts are broken. Every time, you give part of yourself away. And at the end, nothing is left but a broken piece. Is this what you want to give to the person whom you are going to spend the rest of your life with?
How would they feel? You are not "fresh," anymore, not innocent...you've gone through the motions again and again.
Was it love? Or was it insecurity? Was it pure? Or was it lust?
First love is unmatchable. Many of us have lost that opportunity by now. But we can just prepare our minds, mend our hearts, and wait for the right person.
And hopefully they have kept our heart in mind as well, and not broken their own.
5 comments:
before i completely accept this, i must ask the following:
how exactly do you give part of yourself away? as in your personality? as in love? can't these relationships be adding to your experience and maturity? is the consequence of giving half a heart really going to be all that bad?
i agree somewhat to your point, but...well. like an SAT essay, i need some concrete evidence.
it taints your past, and emotionally you gave part of..well...just who you are away. you gave time you could have been doing other things..you gave strong emotions away. why give it away when it is all meant for the one right person?
this is subjective.
basically, you're stealing what is rightfully your one and only's and throwing it away on somebody else.
i can see your reasoning. i guess it makes sense. i don't think i can really object to it.
we'll see how things will turn out when we grow up then!
melody!
i want to let you know that i completely agree with your post. michael and i were discussing this today. i can tell you that i'm still holding my viewpoint...
i mean, even if past relationships help you "improve" for the next relationship, and even if a past relationship helps you "learn" for the next relationship, there's always going to be that feeling of insecurity when a loved one tells you he's had five girlfriends in the past. i know i'd feel like just "one of them," you know?
maybe that's just me.
but thanks for writing this post, it's really meaningful.
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